Uncomfortably long break (afraid to continue?)

After 4 1/2 month break (sabbatical? distraction? working elsewhere?), I return to my new blog. As my primary focus is to be on the media and how it relates to everyday life, I would like to expand this somewhat, as I feel the urge to explore a topic that most can relate to, the very real and sometime debilitating impact that fear (of the unknown? of success? of failure? of trying?) can have on the individual (I guess that'd be this individual, me, macherman).

Recently receiving a set-back of sorts that would have helped me define the next several years of my professional life, I once again return to reflecting on just what it is that I can do to sustain myself over the next several years. Having returned to academia (as I believe I have mentioned earlier in this nascent blog) has been a combination of highs and lows, the highs being earning a graduate degree, the lows including a lack of sustainable income to allow me the freedom to feel less tense and relax a little bit. But I find that I am somewhat afraid to do so.

Fear has helped shape much of my life, I am afraid (see, there it goes again!) When a young man, I aspired to a career in some element of "show biz." I played keyboards and sang in a band during my teen years, and continue to enjoy both to some degree even today. Receiving support and encouragement from others, I felt the urge to continue an element of "display" in my future endeavors. Since I love to talk and sing, I felt that a career in radio might be a good option for me. Indeed, I was active in my undergraduate years as a disc jockey for my college radio station and remember thoroughly enjoying the experience. However, after several attempts to get a paying gig, I ultimately abandoned this pursuit. Curiously, I now have absolutely no desire for such a career, as I fear that at least popular radio (even including much of the more targeted satellite radio) panders to the same, tired tastes of the masses. But do I delude myself here?

Is it just fear that keeps me from continuing to pursue activities that I might enjoy? Fear of failure, or is it rather fear of success (that must be sustained, god forbid. You mean I have to continue to bet better at it?)

Looking back on half a century now, I do have certain regrets, but sincerely believe that what I do today (ultimately enjoying a sliver of "public performance" teaching at a couple of local colleges) would be much different if I my ability to shrug off fear was more effective. Fear certainly keeps us out of harm's way, but are we (me?) simply wallowing in our own regrets, simply because we are afraid to pursue what we truly want? Simply because others have told us that we aren't "good enough" really mean that we are indeed subservient?

Is it just me?