Stones on the Beach

February Chill!?!

2010-02-16T18:35:00.001-08:00

While the rest of the country attempts to recoil from an Artic blast of winter fury, we in Central Florida merely shiver a bit, bitch and complain that our daytime temps do not delve much into the 60s. Poor, wimpy southerners are we!

During this time, I think about how we as individuals are viewed by others, and how people view themselves. I'm not sure of the precise connection between the weather and these introspective thoughts, but there it is. It does make me look at things more deeply than I do on a regular basis.

Must we define ourselves by our career, job, advancement and success? Are we truly worthless if we are not keeping up with our peers? Yes, we are "lucky" now that we have an excuse (the faltering economy) that in some way provides excuses for personal failure. But is this a proper view? A healthy one? Or are we rushing quickly into a cave of self delusion and frustration?

What kind of a person are you? Are you positive? Do you strive to assist others when you can? Does your rush for the gold keep others at arm's length? When you are old, will you look back and smile at your accomplishments? Will it be with others by your side, or alone in a darkened room?

Succeed, yes, but do not forget to help others and provide support along the way. Beyond being the "right" thing to do, it actually does make you feel much better and gives you purpose in your life. It indeed works both ways!

Cold, yes, but we can still see stones on the beach

2010-01-07T19:13:00.000-08:00

Yes, a deep freeze of sorts has been sitting on Florida for the last week or so. Let me clarify- deep freeze here means that the high temperature during the day here is low 50s into the 40s, with evening temps in the 30s. And no, I am no longer wearing shorts at any time (other than at the gym)!

The New Year is just a few days old, and Florida struggles to regain its prosperous footing. From a few years ago when tourism was king and people flocked here, to 2010 when throngs are out of work and think longingly of the north! Yikes!

Personally, moving south over 10 years ago has been a mixture of highs and lows; even in the winter, our weather is the envy of most of the country. However, my ability to remain gainfully employed despite earning yet another degree has been a struggle lately. I now contribute to our family business (consulting) as well as participate in my usual college teaching efforts. Overall, however, I am glad that we made the move; I'd rather be constantly looking for more ways to earn money versus shivering in the north (and probably still be looking for employment opportunities).

I find that maintaining motivation is critical, but many times that is easier said than done. I do know, however, that negativity and feeling sorry for oneself accomplishes nothing beyond keeping one from progressing in life.

Keeping my chin up, and occasionally glancing at the chilly stones on the beach.

E-readers- end of traditional books?

2009-12-05T18:55:00.000-08:00

I found this fascinating quote today:

There is a lot of talk these days about the Kindle and other e-book readers. Will they replace the traditional paper book? How will they revolutionize the way we do things? Some early adopters have bought one version or another, but most people seem to be waiting for the price to go down and formats to standardize.wired.com, GeekDad Parents, Kids and the Stuff We Obsess About, Dec 2009

You should read the whole article.

New story, old stories

2009-11-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

I decided recently to return to a fantasy short story (partially autobiographical) that I began nearly 9 years ago and abandoned about 3 years ago. I liked most of it (had about 6 chapters completed) and got distracted when completing a degree.

I figured that it would be easy to reconstruct; no papers to gather, since I have stored my important files electronically for a very long time. However, now working exclusively on laptops for the last several years (and have destroyed 3 hard drives in the the process...don't ask!), I find that I cannot locate several key chapters. Oops!

Anyway, I put most of it together and find that I am no longer motivated to work on it. So what do I do? I decide to begin another one...similar in that it is another fantasy story that is even more rooted in my own life. I'm enjoying writing the first story, but am not sure whether I will again finish it. Sometimes I feel like I am in the audience of Mystery Science Theater 300, harassing the main performer.

When I publish it (oh, yes, I will, hopefully on the web), I'll let you all know!

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call, New Orleans :: rogerebert.com :: Reviews

2009-11-30T17:38:00.000-08:00

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call, New Orleans :: rogerebert.com :: Reviews

Travel is Over too quickly!

2009-09-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

Returned recently from a long weekend in Costa Brava; my brother-in-law got married there in a converted convent. Lots of beautiful scenery and character- with views to die for of the Mediterranean sea. It gave me some time to think about my own life of teaching and writing and my home business. I am indeed keeping quite busy, but am still floundering a bit, trying to get some focus and more drive. As the years fly past me, I look back a bit with some regret, but try to fortify myself with what I do have- a good life in the southern US with great weather, a wonderful family and challenging work.

Sometimes, however, I do wish that I could change everything and start again, or at least try something else for awhile and see where it leads me. The safest way to do that is to write and create alternate realities...sort of like trying something on for size before handing over your credit card!

Modern Jazz is MOJARadio!

2009-09-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

See my Twitter gadget below for songs and artists playing on my favorite radio station- the web-based MojaRadio. Give it a listen for yourself at http://www.mojaradio.com/MOJARadioPlayer.html

New roles, similar challenges, modern jazz!

2009-07-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

I've taken on the role of a business consultant, helping our clients save money in their non-core operating expenses. Our family has been in this business for several years, and I am now taking on a more active role in this endeavour.

I will still continue to teach writing to college students as an adjunct professor, but (depending on how well I am able to support our business), this may change. I have always enjoyed helping others; trying to get others to understand that purchasing our services in order to help them achieve true savings can be challenging, but it is worth the effort.

I also continue to listen to my favorite kind of music, the much misunderstood "modern jazz." It is basically an updating of a traditional format that has become tired over time. This new hybrid is refreshing and incorporates elements of the entire music spectrum. The best representation of this can be found at MOJA (modern jazz) radio. I am a listener and am not compensated for this recommendation; take a test spin and see what you've been missing at http://www.mojaradio.com/MOJARadioPlayer.html.

Enjoy music and your life- this is probably your only chance!?!

Twittering Away!?!

2009-06-19T11:50:00.000-07:00

Despite my best efforts (including teasing a student of mine who proclaimed that she was self-absorbed and enjoyed sharing with others), I have a Twitter account (Macherman31) and have been posting and reading it faithfully most every day.

I guess the biggest attraction for me is that it doesn't necessarily take a lot of time and effort to update, but can be mildly addictive. It can also be somewhat ego inflating, since "followers" can multiply quickly (as long, I suspect, as I continue to follow them as well). Lots of marketing with claims of overnight success, but some decent sharing of ideas, concepts, creativity and humor. Probably not for everyone, but I am glad that I have an account.

And no, I am not being compensated for these remarks!

Disbelief

2009-04-04T08:22:00.000-07:00

I suppose my latest bout of misplaced fear and bewilderment came from my department head at one of the universities that I work at has avoided meeting with me regarding my interest in pursuing my Ph.D. there. This person is someone that I saw as a friend; she had been on my thesis committee and was helpful and supportive.

As I knew that she was quite instrumental in the doctorate application process and had met with me on several occasions to discuss my thesis, she chose not to meet with me to help me better understand what I needed to move forward in my late in life shift back to academia. Her reply to my email was to not reply to it; several days later, I received a hard copy of the original rejection email with her signature attached. In several short sentences, it stated that "graduate programs must be very selective in making their admission decisions," and encouraged me to contact my graduate director for further information. This is exactly what I did.

While I have no doubt that there are others much more qualified than I, my greatest disappointment is her avoidance. While others had encouraged me to apply, this rejection (without further clarification) disturbs me greatly and reinforces my general sense of anxiety with my chosen path. Short term, I will continue with my adjunct positions, but long term I am not so sure. As I have met disappointment and rejection before (as so many of my friend and colleagues have as well), I must see this as a sign that it was simply not meant to be. But that still doesn't make me feel that much better, at least not yet.

Uncomfortably long break (afraid to continue?)

2009-04-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

After 4 1/2 month break (sabbatical? distraction? working elsewhere?), I return to my new blog. As my primary focus is to be on the media and how it relates to everyday life, I would like to expand this somewhat, as I feel the urge to explore a topic that most can relate to, the very real and sometime debilitating impact that fear (of the unknown? of success? of failure? of trying?) can have on the individual (I guess that'd be this individual, me, macherman).

Recently receiving a set-back of sorts that would have helped me define the next several years of my professional life, I once again return to reflecting on just what it is that I can do to sustain myself over the next several years. Having returned to academia (as I believe I have mentioned earlier in this nascent blog) has been a combination of highs and lows, the highs being earning a graduate degree, the lows including a lack of sustainable income to allow me the freedom to feel less tense and relax a little bit. But I find that I am somewhat afraid to do so.

Fear has helped shape much of my life, I am afraid (see, there it goes again!) When a young man, I aspired to a career in some element of "show biz." I played keyboards and sang in a band during my teen years, and continue to enjoy both to some degree even today. Receiving support and encouragement from others, I felt the urge to continue an element of "display" in my future endeavors. Since I love to talk and sing, I felt that a career in radio might be a good option for me. Indeed, I was active in my undergraduate years as a disc jockey for my college radio station and remember thoroughly enjoying the experience. However, after several attempts to get a paying gig, I ultimately abandoned this pursuit. Curiously, I now have absolutely no desire for such a career, as I fear that at least popular radio (even including much of the more targeted satellite radio) panders to the same, tired tastes of the masses. But do I delude myself here?

Is it just fear that keeps me from continuing to pursue activities that I might enjoy? Fear of failure, or is it rather fear of success (that must be sustained, god forbid. You mean I have to continue to bet better at it?)

Looking back on half a century now, I do have certain regrets, but sincerely believe that what I do today (ultimately enjoying a sliver of "public performance" teaching at a couple of local colleges) would be much different if I my ability to shrug off fear was more effective. Fear certainly keeps us out of harm's way, but are we (me?) simply wallowing in our own regrets, simply because we are afraid to pursue what we truly want? Simply because others have told us that we aren't "good enough" really mean that we are indeed subservient?

Is it just me?

Is the Rock the Salvation of Cinema?

2008-12-27T14:18:00.000-08:00

During the holidays, while organizing files in our home office, my wife and I played a few movies to pass the time and distract us from the tedious nature of our work. Knowing that my wife enjoyed Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson (former entertainment wrestler), I decided to play the remake he did several years ago of "Walking Tall," that is based on a true story (with many cinematic liberties taken, I am certain, to more fully entertain the movie-going masses!)

While the movie itself is predictable and commonplace, I found myself enjoying Johnson's contribution to the film. Relatively new to acting (his first major role, I believe, was the "Mummy" offshoot "Scorpian King," I found myself enjoying the movie much more when he was on the screen. Yet to come close to the accomplishments of veterans such as Denzel Washington, Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro, he nevertheless is appealing in many ways. I am not sure if it is ability to seem "normal" or, at least, appropachable (which the other actors above have long since lost the ability to do), I credit him with allowing me to watch the entire film and not totally regret it. Memories of the original "Walking Tall" are not so fond, as all I can remember is overacting and grimmaces and heads getting bashed over and over.

Do we need more Dwayne Johnsons in today's movies? Is his role simply to sell mediocre movies that would make no money? Or is it his obvious appeal and approachable personality that make me (and others) endure, or dare I say, enjoy his screen work?

Christmas in Florida

2008-12-23T13:02:00.000-08:00

My family who still lives in New England thinks that Floridians don't decorate for the holidays because it doesn't snow. Actually, we decorate more because its not a pain to decorate in our moderate climate; plus, the decorations and ice don't obscure the lights!

2008-12-16T06:15:00.000-08:00

As time passes by, I find my thoughts turning to the media more and more. Somewhat suspicious of popular culture, I nevertheless enjoy elements of it to a large degree. For instance, book and video that deal with the unknown/unknowable, fantasy, complex argument and originality are particularly interesting to me.

I have posted several areas of interest on the side of this blog; are any of these areas of interested to anyone? Am I kidding myself that I have less than "mainstream" taste? Am I skirting the edges of overly saturated interest?

Restarting personal, public writing.

2008-12-15T20:07:00.000-08:00

As a (mostly) life-long teacher/trainer/facilitator who began life as a shy and reclusive individual, I here force myself to write publicly once again (after a year or so behind proprietary web sites). While much of my public writing emphasis is as a teacher, here it is me, to keep me fresh, to force myself to write as I do my students. Informal, low-stakes writing helps one develop the mind, improving critical thinking, loosens one up a bit and helps release some frustration. That is my hope, at least.

Currently an adjunct writing professor in Florida, finishing one degree and looking forward to the next one (I guess), my life has indeed been one of confusing, discovery, education (self/educating others) and a bit of exhaustion as well. During breaks (a few weeks off from teaching, thanks to the winter holidays), I find myself questioning my professional direction and purpose. After thirteen years in the corporate training world, it was time for a change. I knew it was coming, but it still took me by surprise when I was ejected due to budgetary concerns. I experienced shock, followed by restlessness followed by relief followed by a lack of direction, and ultimately decided to get another advanced degree that allowed me to return to my undergraduate focus of English. Another five years have passed, the graduate degree will be final in the spring, and I will again look for a more secure, full-time position. I have been here before and will most likely return to this spot once again, but it continues to be unsettling and confusing for me.

I tire of venting. My purpose here is not to simply rehash the past, but to look forward to a future that will be a combination of what I have already accomplished, along with a few new experiences that I hope will to surprise myself and others. I hope to purposefully take advantage of this brief mental reprieve, use it to recharge a bit and come out in the new year refreshed with a renewed optimism and enthusiasm for what I do. I do not wish to change my life drastically (I enjoy what I do, but the lack of a secure financial future scares me a bit) until...until what? I don't see the next step clearly yet, and that too is unsettling.